The Desolate Drive
by ariel's atlantica
Summary: The Baudelaires are free from the Mortmain Mountains, but they still didn't find their parents and they have a new guardian. What events unfortunate, of course will follow them here?
1. Book I: The Desolate Drive

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey there! I loved this series so much, & I was looking forward to writing a fan fiction for it. Violet, Klaus, & Sunny Baudelaire aren't going to encounter anymore good luck than they have in the series. Anyway, enjoy & let me know what you think! R&R is an essential food group._

_**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own _A Series of Unfortunate Events_, and I don't know Lemony Snicket._

_**SUMMARY:** Violet and Klaus located their sister Sunny in the Mortmain Mountains, but they didn't locate their parents, and they lost Quigley Quagmire. What's even worse is Count Olaf escaped again and is still at large. Mr. Poe sends them to live with a co-worker of his named Ms. Rodane. But Olaf is once again (even with Madam Lulu dead, having discovered her being a fake) a step ahead of them, and ends up showing himself again in another ludicrous disguise that no one can see through. Can the Baudelaires save themselves again?_

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**Chapter One: The Desolate Drive**

If you enjoy stories about beautiful princesses and handsome princes who get married and live happily ever after, I suggest you stop reading this and go find your princess book. The events in this story will not be about beautiful princesses or handsome princes, vast kingdoms or elegant kings and queens, and you can bet your bottom dollar that it will not end happily ever after. For the story I write now tells the adverse tale of the three Baudelaire children Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, and the unfortunate events that follow them everywhere they go.

Now, these three children certainly do not deserve to lead such miserable lives. They are clever, polite, and obedient children, a gift for any guardian. It just so happens, however, that bad things happen to them, and the first event that turned their lives upside down was that despondent – a word here which means 'unhappy and downcast' – day at the beach when a banker named Mr. Poe (who had a bad cough) delivered the terrible news that their parents had died in a fire that burned their mansion to the ground.

Since that dreadful day, the lives of the young Baudelaires took a very unlucky turn. They have been on the run from notorious villain by the name of Count Olaf, who was the children's first guardian after their parents died and who apparently would stop at nothing to snatch the enormous fortune the Baudelaire parents left behind. Unfortunately, neither Mr. Poe nor anyone else was much help against this villain, because he followed them to every home they found themselves in, disguising himself every time and fooling every adult involved.

He killed their second guardian, a man named Montgomery Montgomery (or Uncle Monty, to them). He also disposed of their Aunt Josephine over Lake Lachrymose, and forced them to live with all sorts of wicked people. They lived in a boarding school with horrid conditions, worked in a lumber mill, and lived with Count Olaf's own girlfriend, Esmé Squalor and her fake husband. And as the Baudelaires rode down Dreary Drive, it did not look as though their situation was about to improve, as you and I know it would not.

"I know you three have been through many an ordeal," Mr. Poe said, then paused to cough into his handkerchief, "but I'm sure you'll find your new home quite pleasant."

"I do hope so, Mr. Poe," Violet said quietly.

"Your new guardian is a co-worked and close friend of mine. I do believe you'll find her quite suitable."

"Posiley!" Sunny said, which meant something along the lines of, "I'm not so sure! We've had so much bad luck with guardians."

"I know we have, Sunny," Klaus whispered to his younger sister, "but maybe this time it will be different."

"I don't see how," Violet said sadly.

"I'm tired of being shoved from home to home," Klaus confided.

"So am I, but what else can we do? We've been through much worse. Maybe Ms. Rodane will have some tools I can use for inventions," Violet said.

"And maybe she'll have a nice library that I can read through."

"Brigert!" Sunny said, with probably meant, "And maybe she'll have some things I might like to bite."

"We're here. 5234 Dreary Dr. is where my dear friend Barbara Rodane lives," Mr. Poe spoke up, and then coughed into his handkerchief before opening each of the children's doors.

Of course the Baudelaire orphans would like to imagine that their circumstances would improve and their parents would be found and their lives would return to normal. But they also knew that wishing, hoping, and imagining did not necessarily make things so, and it was with the familiar nervous feeling that the Baudelaires got out of the black car Mr. Poe had gotten and walked behind him to the door of 5234 Dreary Drive.

"Are these the delightful children you were telling me about?" Ms. Rodane asked in a falsely-sweet voice.

"Yes Barbara, they are. These are the Baudelaires, and I'd like you to take especially good care of them. I am in charge of their affairs after all."

"Yes, I'm aware of that Mr. Poe. Well, come along Baudelaires, we have a lot to do."

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny didn't like the sound of that, simply because whenever they had guardians where they imagined their situation would get better, it did not. With Count Olaf, of course, he did nothing but torture the children with chores, and he even struck Klaus across the face. When they lived at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, they did grueling – a word here which means 'hard and demanding' – work over trees and other types of wood. So it was with sighs and heavy hearts that the Baudelaire children followed their new guardian into her house and prepare to do whatever work they had to do.

Upon entering Ms. Rodane's house, the first thing the Baudelaires noticed was that it wasn't extraordinarily large, but it wasn't extraordinarily small either. It was sizeable, with three separate rooms for all three children. It was more or less like living in Uncle Monty's house – there was room on Violet's wall to tack up pictures of her inventions-in-progress, there was a small shelf in Klaus's room with books from the local library, and surprisingly there were some satisfyingly hard toys in Sunny's room for her to bite.

"You'll be okay from here, Baudelaires," Mr. Poe said and tipped his hat to them.

"But Mr. Poe, what about Count Olaf? He hasn't been captured yet, has he?" Violet asked.

"Well no, but he can't possibly find you here. I've given Barbara a full description of Olaf, and she'll know if he shows up. Good day to you."

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny did not like the sound of this either. It was routine for Mr. Poe to shove them at their guardian, assure them that Count Olaf would never find them, and that he would be brought to justice, but Mr. Poe was always wrong. The word routine here means 'always turned out that Count Olaf showed up with a wicked scheme to steal their fortune,' so the Baudelaires didn't hold out much hope.

"Well Baudelaires, welcome to your new home. I have heard of your dreadful situation, and I'm fully prepared to provide you a wonderful place to live."

"I'm happy to hear that," Violet spoke up.

"Each of you may have your own room. I believe you like to read, Klaus?"

"Yes Ms. Rodane, I do."

"Then I'm sure you'd like this room here. It has a small collection from a nearby bookstore. There is also a library a few blocks down that you're welcome to visit with your siblings whenever you'd like."

The middle Baudelaire smiled at Ms. Rodane after she told him of her reading material and the local library.

"And my dear Violet, I do believe you are an inventor?"

"Yes ma'am, I am."

"Then I'm confident you'll like my tool shed in the backyard. It isn't the largest tool shed you'll find, but you should still find it enjoyable. You can also work in your room; I made space in one of the bedrooms."

"Thank you very much," Violet replied politely. She smiled at the prospect of inventing for leisure once more, instead of having to develop something hastily to get them out of trouble.

"And lovely Sunny, I believe you have four unusually sharp teeth you like to bite hard things with?"

"Did," Sunny answered.

"What our sister means is, as an infant she liked to bite things with her sharp teeth, and she still might like to. But her new specialty is cooking. Well...as expert as a child of her age can be in the kitchen."

"Oh...well then I'm sure you'll like your room...and the kitchen as well. I bought the hardest toys and things I could find that were suitable for babies."

"We're very grateful for all you're doing for us, Ms. Rodane," Violet said.

"You're quite welcome. Based on the information Mr. Poe gave me, you three have had a lot to deal with since your parents died."

"We have," Klaus said.

"Well your worries are over. You'll be happy and safe from Count Olaf here."

"Ms. Rodane, you should know that Count Olaf always dresses is disguise when he tries to steal our fortune. We have to be on the lookout."

"Yes, yes, my dear Violet, we will. Now, are you all ready for dinner?"

"Yes. I'm sure Klaus and I will be fine with what you're cooking, but can Sunny have something small and hard?"

"Would a raw carrot be okay?"

"A raw carrot would be perfect," Violet said, experiencing a nasty bout of déjà vu.

When the Baudelaires lived with Uncle Monty, he had been just as good a guardian as Ms. Rodane was turning out to be. But as we know, the Baudelaire orphans lead very unpleasant lives, and only a short while after they had begun living with Uncle Monty he was murdered by none other than Count Olaf, and the children were foisted onto yet another guardian. When the children went to their own rooms after dinner to examine and settle into them, they hoped and hoped some more that this time and this guardian would be different, but we both know that the Baudelaires do not encounter very much luck in their lives, and we also know that hoping and wishing for something may not necessarily make it so, and things might have been going well with them now, but it would not remain that way as you and I both know.


	2. Book II: The Vexing Vineyard

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Here's Chapter Two! I hope you all enjoy my story; I'm trying my best. I dunno how efficient I am in this whole Vineyard thing, but I believe in life after bad fics, haha. Anyhoo, enjoy the story. R&R does the body good!_

_**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own _A Series of Unfortunate Events_, and I don't know Lemony Snicket._

_**SUMMARY:** Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire finally begin to believe that their misfortune might be behind them...until they discover a mysterious and empty vineyard behind Ms. Rodane's house. Count Olaf finally decides to show his face and disguises himself as a wine connoisseur volunteering to restore the Vineyard and Ms. Rodane quickly agrees, wanting to make money from it. The Baudelaires, however, know he's still after their fortune, and they know the vineyard holds yet another secret of V.F.D., the organization their parents were part of. Can they solve another baffling mystery surrounding them? And whatever became of the Quagmires and Hector?_

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**Chapter Two: The Vexing Vineyard**

There are stories of mermaids, rich people, and successful lawyers, all of which are probably much more pleasant than the one you're about to read, and if I were you I would shut my computer screen off quickly before setting my eyes upon this grisly account. In a story full of mermaids, beautiful women with fish tails swim around the crystal ocean, and with rich people you can read about incredibly wealthy individuals, a phrase which here means 'those who have lots of money.' These incredibly wealthy individuals get to spend outrageously large amounts of money on whatever they like. Successful lawyers also have money, and also win legal cases, getting people money who deserve it. In this particular tale, however, you can only read of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, and the ghastly experiences they encounter everywhere they go.

It is not the fault of the youngsters that they lead such calamitous lives. The word calamitous here means 'full of wicked guardians and despicable villains who are continually trying to snatch the Baudelaire fortune.' The lives of the Baudelaires had taken a horrible turn when a banker named Mr. Poe approached them on their day at the beach and delivered the awful news that their parents had perished in a terrible fire that destroyed their mansion. The Baudelaire parents left an enormous fortune behind for the children, but the infamous Count Olaf, who happened to be their first guardian after their parents' death, tried to steal and is still after this fortune.

Now you can see why you should turn away from this story. Happy moments in the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny do not come often, and you won't find this particular narrative any more pleasant than all the other tales of the Baudelaire orphans. So brace yourself – this phrase has nothing to do with filling your mouth with orthodontic metal, but preparing yourself for something unpleasant – as you embark on this grim story of the three Baudelaire orphans.

At this point, the three youngsters do not suspect anything about Ms. Rodane or what is behind Ms. Rodane's tool shed behind her house. At this point, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are all in Violet's room, Sunny biting down on a sufficiently hard toy hammer, and Klaus reading about water plants of the Mediterranean Sea. At this point, the three young Baudelaires are happier than they've been in a long time, almost since they lived with their late Uncle Monty.

"I was quite apprehensive about living here," Violet confessed, "but it looks as though Ms. Rodane will be a wonderful guardian."

"It certainly seems that way," Klaus said, momentarily taking his nose out of _Mediterranean Water-Plant Life_.

"Great!" Sunny said, which meant something along the lines of, "Yes, she seems like a very capable guardian."

"Children, dinner time! We'll start our work tomorrow," Ms. Rodane called to the children.

"I thought we had to rush in because we had lots of work to do," Violet asked suspiciously.

"Oh my dears, that was only to get Mr. Poe to leave more quickly. He's not one of my favorite colleagues, to be brutally honest."

It is common knowledge that being honest is always a good thing to do. There is a saying that says, 'honesty is the best policy.' It is always wise to tell the truth, but being brutally honest can sometimes be going too far. A woman might be brutally honest with a man whom she is in love with, telling him that she must leave him for reasons unknown. A doctor, while it is probably necessary, might be brutally honest with a patient and tell them that they're horribly sick and going to die in a matter of hours. However you view brutal honesty, it isn't always pleasant to hear, and the Baudelaires didn't like hearing it from their new guardian, anymore than you or I might.

"Why is that, Ms. Rodane?" Klaus asked curiously.

"Because my dear Klaus, he isn't the most sanitary person you'll find, and I do love sanitation. Germs cause sickness, and it's no fun being sick."

"I see," Violet said. Ms. Rodane's sanitation fetish reminded her of Aunt Josephine's love of grammar.

"And since I'm sure none of you want to get sick, you should go wash your hands this instant so you can eat dinner."

"We'll do that, Ms. Rodane," Violet said and led her siblings to the bathroom to wash their hands.

So the children washed their hands and sat down around the table and said their blessings. It had been a long time since they had a proper meal in a proper house prepared by a proper guardian, and they knew that pleasant moments did not come along often for them, so they savored every moment of it. The children ate an enjoyable meal of Spaghetti and meatballs, complete with garlic bread and delicious banana pudding for dessert, so that the children were full to bursting with a delicious dinner. Right now the Baudelaires are experiencing a peacefulness they haven't experienced in a long time, which is good, because soon they will not find themselves in such a nice setting.

It was when Violet, Klaus, and Sunny woke up to a bleak and rainy morning that they felt their troubles might finally be beginning. Ms. Rodane was calling to them from her kitchen for them to come down to breakfast. They dressed and bathed in silence and headed down to the kitchen, hoping what they would encounter was a wholesome breakfast and a wonderful caretaker. What they did find was a small breakfast and a wicked tone.

"Come on Baudelaires, we're wasting time! Eat your toast then we're heading out to the Vineyard."

"Vineyard?" Sunny asked.

"Yes, it's a field where people grow grapes to make wine, but of course children like yourselves wouldn't know or understand that. There's an old one right behind my house. It doesn't look like much right now, and that's where our work begins." Klaus looked offended – he'd known what the word Vineyard meant for some time now.

"What my sister means is, why do we have to work out there?"

"Because Vineyards are quite profitable of course! I could make millions from that Vineyard, and a kind man named Vincent was willing to give me all the information I'd need. He's coming here today, and I want him to see something a little more kempt than that garden of death out there." Ms. Rodane's tone was much harsher than it was the previous day.

The three Baudelaire children were quite nervous about this mystery man named Vincent coming to help Ms. Rodane. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were almost certain that Vincent would be Count Olaf, posing as another preposterous – a word here that means 'silly and obvious' character. Now, Violet would've given anything to be back with Kit Snicket at the Hotel Denouement, with Quigley, Isadora, and Duncan Quagmire, meeting some surviving members of V.F.D. Fortune like this, however, does not usually greet the Baudelaires, and this particular predicament was no different. When they climbed into the back of Kit Snicket's taxi and drove to the Hotel Denouement, Olaf ended that journey early as well, intercepting them at the Hotel and eliminating all hope of their cycle of misfortune ending.

The Baudelaire orphans had no idea why Olaf kept attempting to steal their fortune after his plans had been thwarted so many times. He showed up at the Lumber Mill they were working at and dressed up as a female receptionist who wanted children of her own. He showed up at Prufrock Preparatory School as a gym teacher who would gladly take them on. And Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had no idea what kind of scheme he'd be cooking up this time, but it would certainly have something to do with their enormous fortune, and that always came along with some dastardly deeds and actions. The three orphans ate their single pieces of toast, and then Ms. Rodane out to the Vineyard behind her tool shed.

"Okay, I want all three of you to weed the Vineyard first; there's much more than old grape vines growing back here, as you can see. Then you can grab a hoe from the tool shed and rake up the dirt. I expect we'll need fertilizer, as this dirt looks quite old and dry."

"But Ms. Rodane we don't know how to take care of a garden by ourselves. We've never done it before," Violet said.

"Why, may I ask, would that stop you?"

"Well...because the work might be too hard for three children like us," Klaus answered.

"I'm afraid that is not enough of a reason for me, Klaus. There's a first time for everything, isn't there? This is an excellent opportunity for you three to learn the advantages of hard labor. You do not reap benefits from work you do not sew."

"Too young," Sunny said.

"I don't think you're too young Sunny; I heard you're old enough to cook meals."

"Sunny doesn't cook whole meals; she's still a little too young for that. She can cook some dishes, but it's only the basics," Violet said.

"That doesn't make much of a difference. If she's old enough to cook, she's old enough to garden."

"But..." Klaus started, but Ms. Rodane interrupted her.

"I don't want to hear another word about it! You three can get started on this Vineyard this minute; Vincent will be here in a few hours and I want this place to look presentable for him."

With a grim look in their eyes and a sinking feeling in their hearts, the Baudelaire children entered the Vineyard and looked around at the size of their workload. Not wanting to upset Ms. Rodane anymore than they already had, the children found three pairs of gloves in the tool shed along with the hoe they would need and headed around the shed to the Vineyard. It looked like a desolate wasteland of foliage. It was not as large as one would imagine a Vineyard might be, and it didn't stand out in any particular way. Weeds littered the dry ground, and scraggly remains of dead plants were scattered here and there as well. It looked as though it had not rained in the Vineyard for years before the morning drizzle, and Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had no idea how they alone were supposed to bring this Vineyard to life alone; Ms. Rodane didn't seem too interested in helping them.

Morning turned into afternoon, and the children were slaving nonstop over the lifeless Vineyard. Violet and Klaus decided to only use Sunny for the easily disposable plants. Violet pulled and pulled on the weeds in the ground with her long hair tied up in a ribbon (she was thinking of inventions that might help make this process easier). Klaus weeded along with Violet, and he dumped all the dead plants into bags and laid the bags in a long line along one of the fences. It was quite tedious work for such young children, and they hadn't done much for the dirt that was extremely infertile. Just then Ms. Rodane poked her head out of the back door of her house and called to the children that Vincent had arrived.

"That Vineyard is appalling!" Ms. Rodane snapped as Violet, Klaus, and Sunny entered the house.

"Ms. Rodane, we couldn't really work any faster," Violet said.

"I truly don't understand why you children keep making excuses. You can explain to Vincent why the Vineyard looks so horrendous," Ms. Rodane said and motioned to a man standing behind her.

The Baudelaire orphan's dread and speculation as to who Vincent would be were correct. He smiled an evil and greedy smile at the three children with a malevolent glare in his shiny, shiny eyes. His one eyebrow was hidden behind a grey hate to match his grey suit. He had a cane in his left hand, and long grey socks covered the tattoo of an eye on that ankle. Violet gulped, Klaus didn't breathe, and Sunny just stared at the figure before them. Violet wanted to take a harder look at Ms. Rodane and see if she was really Esmé Squalor, Count Olaf's girlfriend (or as far as they knew), but she showed no such resemblance.

"This is Vincent, Baudelaires. He's a wine connoisseur," Ms. Rodane said, smiling.

"It is my understanding that you three orphans were to clean the Vineyard and make it look presentable to me," Vincent (well, _Olaf_) said, disguising his voice as usual.

"We were sir. But what does that mean to you? You're Count Olaf!"

"I am who? I'm sure I've never heard of such a person."

"Children, I'm surprised at you. Why are accusing Vincent of being Count Olaf? He doesn't resemble the description Mr. Poe gave me."

"We told you, he's always disguised, like he is right now!" Klaus said, raising his voice higher than he intended.

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't raise your voice to our guest. Now, children, there's food in the fridge. I'm going to show Vincent the Vineyard; fix yourself a sandwich or something if you're hungry. I hope your abysmal job on the Vineyard doesn't affect his decision to help me." And with that, she turned and led Vincent out of the door and toward the backyard.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny watched both adults' backs as they exited the house and felt that all-too familiar feeling. The feeling of dread and overall unpleasantness as Count Olaf entered their lives uninvited once more, and the guardian they were with had no clue what was going on. The three children didn't rule out the idea that Ms. Rodane might be one of Olaf's accomplices, but they knew one thing for sure: their streak of misfortune was not over yet.


End file.
